


Please, Don't.

by butterflycell



Series: love takes time [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 04:47:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1927143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflycell/pseuds/butterflycell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard knew he shouldn't have fallen in love again, especially not with someone like Jim Kirk. It was never going to end well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please, Don't.

**Author's Note:**

> Written from a prompt on Tumblr: 
> 
> "McCoy is in love with Jim but somehow finds out that his feelings are totally unrequited."
> 
> I'm posting over here so I can post a sequel.

"Bones?" Jim’s voice was incredulous. "You’re seriously asking me that?”  
  
Leo felt something dark and unpleasant settle in his chest. He tried to fight back a flush of humiliation. He wasn’t meant to hear that, but he was right outside their dorm room. It was probably his conquest of the week - Leo was home early, after all. He swallowed hard and shoved his hands in his pockets, debating what to do.  
  
"You’re honestly saying you’re _not_ in love with McCoy?” A female voice asked.  
  
"He’s my best friend, how could you possibly ask that?" Leo could picture the look of complete confusion on Jim’s face. "Christ, that’s like asking if I’m in love with my _brother_.”  
  
Leo swallowed against and turned on his heel. A walk would probably do him good before having to face Jim properly. He needed to collect himself if he was going to be able to look him in the eye again.  
  
 _Shit_. He knew it was a bad idea to fall for the kid  
  
*  
  
"Bones!" Jim bounded out of his room as Leo let himself into the dorm. He’d headed down to the markets, bringing back supplies for dinner. He braced himself for trying to be normal.  
  
"Hey, kid." He said over his shoulder, methodically working through the groceries.  
  
"You will never believe was Gaila asked me today.” Jim hopped up onto the counter, ploughing on before Leo could answer. “She asked me if we were a thing.”  
  
"Seriously?" Leo asked, doing his best to inject some confusion into his voice.  
  
"I know right. I mean, we hang out all the time, but dating?" Leo made the mistake of looking over his shoulder right as Jim shuddered. Leo cringed internally.  
  
"That’s completely insane." Leo intoned with a shake of his head. Behind him, Jim snorted his disbelief and hopped down form the counter. He clapped Leo on the shoulder.  
  
"I set her straight, don’t worry." Jim grinned and Leo smiled, letting Jim change the topic of conversation. It was easier to ignore the uncomfortable throbbing of his heart in his stomach when their relationship wasn’t the topic of interest.  
  
That night, after dinner, he excused himself to his room to study and he had never been more thankful for upcoming finals as he was then. Putting his bedroom door between himself and Jim made it a little easier to breathe.  
  
*  
  
”Hey, how’d the exam go?” Jim looked up from the couch as Leo came through the door. He nodded and headed straight through to his room, dropping his bag on the desk and kicking his boots off. He really wanted a bit of peace and quiet, just for a few moments. “Bones?”  
  
Jim was leaning against the door frame, arms folded. Leo had done a pretty good job of avoiding Jim over the last few weeks, but now finals were done and he wouldn’t be able to avoid him forever.  
  
"Sorry, long day." Bones rubbed his eyes before looking up.  
  
"I’ll order some food in, yeah?" Jim asked. Leo nodded and bit back a sigh. His door slid closed and he let out a breath. He fought down the ugly thumping in his chest that had started up. Whenever he had to speak to Jim recently, he had to fight back the embarrassment and continual flashbacks to that afternoon.  
  
At least the embarrassment covered the hurt for now. He was too busy feeling like a complete moron to fully digest the fact that he’d fallen for the wrong person again.  
  
He stripped out of his cadet reds, put on sweats and a tshirt and sat for a long moment. He rubbed his face with his hands before bracing himself to head out into the living room. The door slid open and he was faced with one of Jim’s lurching rambles about his day.  
  
What was beginning to hurt was the fact that Jim still cared about him - Jim hadn’t changed at all. Leo really was Jim’s best friend and the kid would defend him til he passed out. Just as ever, Jim was there after a day from hell with calorie laden food and bad holos.  
  
This time though, Jim was just as much part of the problem as the solution.  
  
*  
  
The tension in Leo’s chest kept building. As the summer got under way, Leo found himself a place on a research team at the medical centre, which helped get him out during the day. The shifts often ran long, so he could avoid Jim, but it wasn’t a flawless system.  
  
He still wound up having breakfast with him most days, and for the most part managed to play house well enough to avoid Jim’s concern. If he wasn’t quite selling it, he cited exhaustion, and that seemed to be working.  
  
"Do you want to go for a drink tonight?" Jim asked, a Friday morning a few weeks into the summer. Leo tried not to freeze.  
  
"I dunno, I’ll have to see how the tests go today." Leo said, shooting him an apologetic look. Jim seemed to deflate a little.  
  
"Okay. I just thought it might be good, we haven’t gone out for a while." Jim sighed. "It feels like I’ve barely seen you recently."  
  
 _There’s a reason for that_ , Leo thought - but he said aloud, “I know, kid. I’ll do my best.”  
  
The thing Leo was starting to realise was that Jim had never been his, no matter how much he’d secretly thought it. Finding out that Jim would never return his feelings should have had such an impact on their friendship - it had only removed a vague possibility.  
  
The thing that really got to him was the thinly veiled contempt he’d expressed about the matter. If that’s how he felt about them being in a relationship, then how the hell would he react if he found out Leo was already halfway there?  
  
No, it wouldn’t get to that. Leo would get over himself and come up with a way to make this work.  
  
*  
  
The answer presented itself to him two weeks later, in the form of an internal memo from the medical department.  
  
"Was that you?" Jim asked, looking around for his PADD even as Leo reached for his, nodding.  
  
It was an accommodation offer from medical. Apparently his contribution to the medical community over the past year, along with his research work, had been enough to get special consideration for a non-student apartment. It would be closer to the medical centre, away from the constant stream of cadets and hopefully a little better furnished.  
  
It would also be a one bed place.  
  
"Is it important?" Jim asked, leaning over his shoulder to take a look. Leo did his utmost to ignore the warmth of Jim’s body in favour of rereading the message.  
  
"I’m being assigned to medic quarters next year. Boyce said she’s trying to get funding to continue the research project into next year. It makes sense to move me closer." Leo shrugged, desperately trying not to cringe away from Jim.  
  
"Do you have to take it?" Jim asked, glancing up at him, but otherwise avoiding his eyes. Leo only just noticed - he was trying to do the same thing.  
  
"I think so." Jim slumped away from him and Leo sighed inwardly. "It’ll make hooking up a hell of alot easier if you don’t have to work round me, at least."  
  
"Yeah, ‘cause that’s what I care about here." Jim muttered.  
  
"We’ll still hang out, Jim. Hell, it’ll probably do us both good to get a bit of independence from each other." Leo put his PADD to one side and Jim shot him a look that conveyed quite clearly how much bullshit he thought Leo was talking.  
  
He may have found his way out, but it looked like he wouldn’t get away cleanly.  
  
*  
  
Another month went by and it was slowly becoming clear to Leo that Jim was doing his best to avoid him as well now. They only just passed each other in the door a couple of times a week as Jim came in from a run and Leo left. They hadn’t eaten a meal together for a while.  
  
Leo had been given the go-head to continue his research and he’d been given a date to move into his new place. It was small, a joint kitchen and lounge with a separate double bedroom and a small shower room. It was exactly what he’d hoped for.  
  
He was packing up his stuff when he heard footsteps behind him.  
  
"What happened, Bones?" Jim asked, his voice a little dark. Leo didn’t reply, but paused what he was doing. Jim took that as a cue to keep going. "I don’t understand. We were great one minute and then we weren’t. I don’t get it."  
  
Jim moved into the room and sat down on Leo’s bed, next to where he stood. He looked up at him, but Leo started folding his clothes into a holdall. He didn’t know how to verbalise the sudden loss of his internal organs.  
  
"Bones, _please_.” Jim put a hand on his arm to still him.  
  
"It’ll sound cheesy, but it’s not you, it’s me." Leo sighed, sliding his arm free. "You didn’t do anything wrong, Jim, so stop that line of thought right now."  
  
"Then what is it?" Jim asked, frustrated. Leo closed his eyes for a moment. He’d be moving out at the weekend, and then it would be up to Jim to decide if he wanted to maintain contact.  
  
Something inside Leo snapped, something small but something vital, and he threw some of his much treasured caution to the wind.  
  
"Do you remember, a while back, when Gaila asked you if we were dating?" Leo asked, pulling books off the shelves and stacking them into boxes.  
  
"Sure, I told her it was crazy." Jim replied, sounding a little weary.  
  
"Well, it’s not so crazy from where I’m standing." Leo grit out, working methodically through his shelves. Jim said nothing, and Leo felt his heart unpleasantly in his throat - but he also felt something that would, eventually, congeal into something like relief. "I was coming home early and I heard you through the door. I heard how you replied."  
  
He paused, leaning on the anatomy book in his hand as he worked out what to say next. Jim still didn’t say anything.  
  
"Maybe I went about it wrong, but I didn’t want you to find out. I thought I could get over it and get back to normal." But that was a lie that Leo couldn’t even sell to himself.  
  
"I’m so sorry, Bones. I didn’t know." Jim said quietly, and Leo heard him get to his feet.  
  
"It’s not your fault, kid." Leo said quietly, feeling something in his chest crack a little at the sincerity in Jim’s voice. He didn’t notice the footsteps until they were too late, and Jim’s arms were around him, Leo’s back pressed flush against his front. He could feel Jim’s breaths against the back of his neck. He tried desperately to stop the tension creeping through his limbs, but it was too much. "Please, don’t."  
  
Jim stilled, but slowly peeled away. Leo felt his cheeks warm with a deep flush. The last thing he wanted was Jim’s pity, but even now, he felt off kilter from the contact.  
  
"Let me know when you’re moving tomorrow, I’ll help with the carrying." Jim said eventually, and Leo heard footsteps towards the door.  
  
"Thanks, Jim." He didn’t look over his shoulder, couldn’t quite face it yet.  
  
"You’re welcome." Jim said gently. The door slid closed behind him and Leo fought the temptation to crumple to the floor.  
  
Instead, he carried on packing his life into boxes and bags, and part of him hoped he did it well enough to do the same thing to his emotions too - but he’d always had too many that were too obvious.  
  
Hopefully this was the exception.


End file.
